Friday, 27 June 2008

Things I have learned from working in a call centre

Today is a good day.

I am happy because I have finally finished work for a week. 7 Glorious days of not having to get up and go work and talk to jerks on the phone. I have a week off whilst I move out of my mother's house into a house with some awesome mates. Its a sign you really hate your job when it makes you happy that you don't have to go to work, even if its only for a week. 

Speaking of hating BT...

Today I learned, through trolling random internet forums at work, that lots of people really fucking hate BT. I don't really blame them, BT is pretty lame but I read post after post by random people shitting bricks over BT about everything and anything. Fair enough BT isn't great, scratch that, they are fucking rubbish, but still it isn't as bad as these dicks made it out to be.

I have no sympathy for any of the people complaining about their problems*. There will be a common theme with all of them, All of them will have been a complete dick on the phone when dealing with us call advisors. People ring us up and give us an earful of shit and when we offer to help we get greeted with snide remarks and offensive language. These same people wonder why the people in the call centre they are being cunts to aren't bending over backwards to help them... SHOCK HORROR! it's because you are a douche.

A typical example of what I mean - Last month I was called an idiot by an unemployed wretch from a council estate in liverpool. First of all that is the kettle calling the pot black, some dougtard that can barely string together a cohesive sentence calling me an idiot. Second of all I have a degree so he can fuck off**. 

The best thing these people do is ring up to tell us that they are a loyal customer and demand free stuff for the obvious trauma BT has caused. In their heads they honestly feel like they are more important that all the other customers that are having the same problem and then say things like:

"If this situation isn't resolved to my satisfaction I am going to take my business elsewhere" - Generic Customer of BT

Oh please Mr. Customer, please don't take your precious custom elsewhere. How would I ever get through the day without idiots like you to argue with over the phone. If you leave I don't think this multi-billion pound company will be able to cope with losing £20 a month from you. It may go under and I would be out of a job. Please sir! my job is on the line!!! PPPLLEEEEAAAASSSEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

These same customers always think they are so clever too. They always turn out to be some 40 year old balding man from the east midlands who runs a business from his spare bedroom. He really thinks he is the shit because he understands WI-FI and VOIP. It gets really amusing when they do things like cancel their direct debits out of spite because their email address didn't receive email for a day***. Well they think they are clever until they realise they are in breach of contract and have to pay shit loads in cancellation fees.

In conclusion; the general UK public are idiots.

* It's true, I really don't. It's a good quality to have working in a call centre. The ability to not care gets me through the day.
** Guess what else... That's correct - He got fuck all help!
*** which apparently is a hell worthy tresspass.

Wednesday, 25 June 2008

Snakes: The slippery shits of the animal kingdom

This blog is all about snakes. Snakes are rubbish. There I said it, and I meant every little bit of it. They are glorified belts that think they are clever because they can poison you or crush your skull or whatever it is that snakes do with their spare time. But seriously, snakes are pretty crap... Slithery, scaley little fuckers that are the closest thing the animal kingdom has to a flacid penis like animal, that actually are greedy enough to eat other animals such as hippos, crocodiles and other snakes. When I asked my brother what he thought about snakes he retorted:

Snakes? They are wank. They just sit their coiled up all day doing fuck all. - Rario Hewitt

The only saving grace these little shits have is their name. Their name is pretty good - it sounds a bit like snack and the best game ever Snakes* (and by extension motor-way snakes**, both of which are better than the game birds***)

Thats it for tonight, would have probably gone better if bottom wasn't on TV...

* A game where you wear a hooded sweat shirt, pull the hood over your head but leave your ears poking out thus creating a snake like appearance. See Above Pic.

** Playing Snakes, But on the side of the motor-way when your car brakes down because you put far too much oil in the engine and your waiting with fil because he is an RAC member and I'm not.

*** Birds is a game that involves 2 players, P1 is the mother bird and P2 is the baby bird. The game consists of the mother bird chewing, swallowing and regurgitating the food ready to feed to the baby bird, via force if necessary. According to the games creator, Rario says it is awesome... I did not agree.