Friday, 15 August 2008

Money talks... just not for long enough.


Money... the root of all evil*

Me personally I think money is awesome. It means I can buy stuff I don't need, worry about not having enough of it to live a decent life and basically there will come a day where I am going to be signing my life away to get more of it. It also means I have to get up every day and go to a job I am not too fond of to earn enough to get me through the next week and to have the luxury of eating and having somewhere to sleep.

Incase you hadn't worked it out, that previous paragraph was riddled with bitterness and sarcasm.** I have a love/hate relationship with money. I love having money and when I do have moeny, I am RECKLESS. I am the kind of person who will get £10 and within seconds I will have £0 and not have anything to show for it. I will have probably had a good time doing so. I love spending money on all the random crap that I don't need but then when I don't have money I hate the fact that I have to go and earn more. There is no worse feeling than being broke, I actually would rather have toothache than an empty wallet. My life will be complete when I manage to be in a position where I either; get a good job and earn more than £15,000 a year; inherite a lump sum or; con the government into giving me money***

The thing that winds me up most about money is that everyone I know always seems to have more of it than I do, I dunno why...Infact, I do know why; its because I am the anti-jew when it comes to finance or maybe the world hates me - either way, it sucks.


* Apparently, I would have thought evil was the root of all evil, but what do I know?

** What did you expect... I'm english, this is what we do - well that and invent sports and learn to be rubbish at them.

*** Probably not going to happen, I am neither foreign; a pregnant teenager or a moron with an IQ of 12. Therefor I am just white and middle class enough to be given the finger when it comes to benifits.

Tuesday, 12 August 2008

I may look stupid, but I still don't believe a fucking word out of your lying rat mouth

Hi, my name is dan and I am a millionaire with a 12 foot cock and my IQ is 14 billion.*

Everyone knows a fucking idiot that comes out with some shit like this trying desperately to get you to somehow believe them. I know 3 or 4 people like this, and I won't name names but you know the type, the kind of idiot that lies directly to your face and you know they are lying, they know they are lying but yet they still say it. How stupid do you think I am? Not only do I have an IQ of 14 million and can see through your ridiculous claims but it is common knowledge that you tell more pork pies than a an insurance broker.

Fair enough, everyone exaggerates their stories, and I am particularly good at that, speak to me for more than 10 minutes I will probably tell you some story about my childhood that I will exaggerate certain aspects for comedic effect. Having said that, a cold faced lie is beyond me. How crap must your life be to decided to invent a new one in your head then spend most of your day lying through your teeth to try and convince people that you are not lying. Some other people do this for a living, they are called politicians**

The thing that grinds me about all this is that the lies get bigger and bigger, and eventually get out of hand and they will lie to their friends about having a terminal disease or getting raped or something else that the vast majority would be gutted by. What the fuck has happened in their life that they feel the need to lie about death and rape? scratch that, I don't care what happened, fuck off and stop lying about important things. You don't fuck about with other peoples emotions just because you feel like it.

These same people then inevitably get found out to be the lying rats they are and then they somehow decide that they are the victim, and that everyone else is lying. How stupid do you think I am? I have listened to you tell whopping great lies every day and then you accuse other people of lying. Wow I am convinced! you must be telling the truth as you are so well known for it.

In conclusion, I hate liars - grow up and if you cant think of anything truthful to say, then don't say anything at all.***

*Despite the fact this blog is about compulsive liars, this statement is completely true. I keep my money in my loft and my mum won't let me get it out, and I lost a leg when I was 12, I use my cock to keep balance, and I am much more cleverer than that Steven Hawkman.

** Or con-men as they are more widely known. I prefer the term bloodsucking parasitic cunts.

***come to think of it, just don't say anything ever. The world will thank you in the long run.